Behind every great man there is a great woman…

1. and behind every great woman, there is feminism. Whether you embrace it or not, whether you call yourself a feminist or say nopenopenope not me, it is there for you, and it is making the world a safer, better place for us all. That is not rhetoric. That is fact.

Ahem. Meme me me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Testing, testing…is this thing on? That was just a little warm-up for the meme I am honored to add my homebrewed wisdom to. I’ve cooked some up in my kitchen just for you, because that is what I hear we “sahms” (choking! choking on that label!) do, we obsess and we cook and we clean and we feed people way too much. Eat something, sweetheart, you look famished.

So, Momomax, I will see your meme and raise you five. That first paragraph counts as one, so here we go loopty-loo…

2. Am I not a feminist? (warning: long rant ahead)

I am married to a man. I proposed to him first and was not taken seriously despite his answer of yes. My engagement gift to him was a book. He thought the whole thing was cute. Even after this insult, I accepted his traditional proposal later on. I also accepted a (canadian) diamond engagement ring that he had made for me based on a trinket we saw in a shop when we were younger. I wore a corseted top and a ball skirt along with red high heels (indeed, I looked fabulous). Now, it was a civil ceremony rather than a religious one, it was conducted by a woman, I was not “given away” and I certainly did not vow to honor and obey BUT my marriage band is fused to the one that my grandmother wore for her wedding, where she undoubtedly did all of the expected patriarchal/traditional things. I am still very proud to have merged my ceremony to hers in this way. Male proposal, diamond ring, big dress, check, check check. So am I not a feminist? Can one only be a Buddhist or Christian by becoming a nun?

I love women. Had I fallen in love with a woman instead of Huz, I would likely be married to her right now, whether it was recognized legally or not…When I go out, I try to look attractive to both women and men. I wear push-up bras because they make my breasts look like a feast. Some days, the right shade of lip gloss or well-applied liquid eyeliner can bring me out of a bad mood. Fishnet stockings with a seam up the back can stop my heart. Add a well-made heel and I am yours. That being said, the sexiest women I have ever known were butch…I like to wear aprons. I think they are cute, convenient, and they make me feel officially artistic. Dresses and skirts are my first choice in clothing, especially if they have pockets…I was a stripper for 2.5 months while in college. I wore pasties and shook my groove thing for $10 a look. It was demeaning, empowering, but most importantly expedient for paying off an emergency hospitalization debt. I’m not sorry…I embrace the labels milf, bitch, cunt, hooker and trick. Used with good comic timing, they crack me up. Used maliciously, they inspire me to act…I earned not one but two degrees so I could work with children, a highly traditional choice of study for a woman by anyone’s standards. I plan to go back to school in the future to earn yet another degree so that I may work with even more children…I am currently not working while I care for my son. My husband is the primary earner during this phase of our lives…I feel more relaxed when my kitchen is clean. I also feel that scrubbing toilets is just something that needs to be done by grown-ups, like laundry, vacuuming and feeding the dog. Sometimes I do it all, sometimes Huz does. I do not see it as a political issue as much a personality issue. All people living with other people will have unfair divisions of labor at times. I have bigger things to worry about…One of my favorite museum installations evah was about the home economics program at Penn State in the early 1900s. Others include a display of American quilts and Jackie Kennedy’s wardrobe. My favorites are certainly not limited to these overtly feminine displays, but still, they are standouts…I do not fault any woman who makes choices that are different than mine. I hold her accountable only to herself, and not for the indirect effect her choices may have on me or the advancement of womankind. Sometimes I am tired, too. Sometimes I do not know what to do, either, so I do what has always been done…what does that make me?

What does any of this make me? It makes me ME. And I. Am. A. Feminist. Beyond that declaration, and my personal affirmation of it through my daily choices, do I need to justify it by performing certain prescribed feminist acts that are determined by others? If so, then perhaps that is why some women shy away from identifying themselves as feminists. The world already tells them that they are inferior. They don’t need any more voices added to the chorus. Besides, I am not worried for them. They don’t need to march or blog or circulate petitions or climb the corporate ladder or otherwise stick it to the man for me to respect them and call them my sisters in arms.

Da-yum! Onward…

3. They say that every time a baby is born, a mother is born, too. I say, so is a feminist. You cannot help but become one when you nuture a life outside of yourself, especially (I imagine) if you give birth to/adopt a girl.

4. Speaking of birthing/adopting, wtf is up with the multitude of labels for moms? Are we trying to explain ourselves further, because the label of mother isn’t enough? For example, you all know I am struggling with sahm beause it wasn’t my intention to not be working from home right now. Why do I struggle so much with this (other than the fact that it sounds like a directive, or a house arrest sentence: “stay at home, mom!”)? Why do I feel fine being labeled a wahm? Aren’t all moms wahms? And wtf is up with the alternative to “sahm”, where some chicks call themselves “full-time mothers”? Is there any other kind? If I accept a job outside our home, does that mean I am only partly Bean’s mom? I call bullshit.

5. Keeping this last one (kinda) short because the rest are sooooo looong but I want to give lurve to my wommins whom have not yet birthed/adopted a babe or plain old don’t want to. You are vital to the dialogue of feminist motherhood. Don’t discount it because you’re not “in” it. You are somebody’s daughter. We need you.

Ta-dah! There you have it, my first meme contribution. I am not going to tag anyone specific to add their 5, because oy, the pressure! but I would like to invite you, yes YOU, to add 5 things about feminism from your unique pov at this time in your life. I am truly looking forward to it so please direct me there when you are done.