Flying

Do you know about this? This Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman? I just caught a minute of it on Sundance (which I will be bummed to not have once my cable deal expires- I guess that’s the point of cable companies extending temporary but fabulous deals to people who call them and ask to completely stop service). I was intrigued. A woman was cautioning another about a town she was about to enter being the type of place where honor killings were the norm, but Bean was tripping so hard over their sad faces I didn’t get to watch it. The questions being asked on the site look interesting. I wonder if this is something of substance or just one more person capitalizing on the dilemmas of being a modern woman (any show/article/website/book that uses the word “confessions” makes me wary of its true intent). Here’s the project description from the site:

“What does the modern woman want? Where does she fit in today’s world?”

Never before in our collective human history have so many women had such autonomy to construct a life of their own creation. Yet, the terrain is still rocky and ‘choice’ does not necessarily bring happiness, let alone freedom. Meanwhile, old models of femaleness still haunt women everywhere.

In this six-hour tour de force, FLYING: CONFESSIONS OF A FREE WOMAN, master storyteller Jennifer Fox lays bare her own turbulent life to penetrate what it means to be a free woman today. As her drama of work and relationships unfolds over four years, our protagonist travels to over seventeen countries to understand how diverse women define their lives when there is no map. Employing an ingenious new camera technique, called “passing the camera”, Fox creates a documentary language that mirrors the special way women communicate. Over intimate conversations around kitchen tables from South Africa to Russia, India and Pakistan, she initiates a groundbreaking dialogue among women, illuminating universal concerns across race, class and nationality. Part delectable soap opera, sociopolitical inquiry, and narrative experiments, FLYING sweeps us up into an addictive international adventure chronicled with sincerity, innovation and elegance.

—Caroline Libresco, SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL catalogue

Sounds excellent. I’ll blog more when I learn more…if you know anything about the project do clue me in. Danke, darlings.

Co-parenting

I already tooted every horn in the universe with my Father’s Day post about my fella, but I do want to celebrate by writing this down. Since I have shared so many frustrations regarding this issue here, it feels right to share some happiness. We have undergone an evolution as a family over these last 21 months. I could cite a million little ways in which we’ve progressed, and another billion big and small mistakes we’ve made along the way, but dammit, we got here. We were such a cliche for a while. Totally freaked me out. Who the hell are we? I wondered. Where did we go? We are supposed to be Us, what the hell happened to Us? Over time, I learned to back off more and he learned to take over more. I won’t bother to get too specific, but I can now say that Huz and I are o-fficially co-parenting our little boy.

I feel proud and so very happy. We’re not perfect: I still take over sometimes and he still quite happily lets me, but MOST of the time our home and parenting responsibilities are now equally shared. The money thing, not right now, but I used to be the primary earner before we swapped that role. We’ll get back to that. It will be ideal if we can both work part-time, but with the way benefits operate in this country, that may have to wait until next lifetime. Still, the goal is that when Bean starts pre-school, I will start part-time work again and build up to full. When Bean is in Jr. High, Huz will work part-time, doing private parties a couple nights a week after I am home from my full-time work, wherever that work takes place. I can tell you that it won’t be in an office, not unless I own the building.

I want to say it again. I co-parent with my husband.

What a relief.

Thank you, Hillary

You are an amazing politician, a true party leader and clearly a genius to boot. I’ve been an Obama supporter all along, but that never meant I stopped rooting for you, even when I questioned or disagreed with your decisions. You are essential fiber in the cloth of our nation and I admire the hell out of you. You’ve truly taken us to new places these past 16 months, you made this race mean even more than it already would have and I am grateful for it. Some criticized your speech this past Tuesday but I was impressed. Not just by the content, but by you and your supporters.

Now let’s hug it out and do this thing, all together. That’s the way it’s got to happen. We will be better people and a better country for it.

Love,

B.

P.S. This person says it all much better than me. I concur.

Happy stuff I am doing for myself

Growing an indoor herb garden - hullo, Yum, so good to meet you. The dried stuff is an expensive insult to my tongue in comparison.

tmi: Making sex dates with Huz. No, not regularly scheduled “it’s business time” stuff; we have to ask ahead and plan just as if we would if we had never been together and were trying to seduce each other, albeit quickly, for the first time. It’s the hotness.

Decorating, decorating, decorating, (does that sound too Martha? should I say beautifying? art-ifying? whatevs, you get me) with both found and self-created objects. A living environment is an evolving organism as far as I am concerned. I adjust it accordingly, in small ways, as needed depending on my mood.

Daily dance parties with Bean. The kid is a nut for “party favorites” on our cable music thingermawhatsit. His moves absolutely KILL me.

Doing the T-Tapp Basic Workout (the production is cheesy, but dammit, it works) and using About.com’s Calorie Counter (it’s free and way better than WW) so I can get a handle on my recent post-weaning weight gain. Now listen, skinny is not the goal. Skinny is NEVER the goal. I eat, baby. I am married to a classically trained chef. Fat is flavor, salt is life!!! Voluptuousness, sway, and zaftig-iosity are what I am all about. Besides, serious curves throw the very best shadows on the walls in candlelight. Sure, my boobs fell down a bit with pregnancy and my stomach pooches out more than ever, but to a good man like Huz, that just means I housed and fed his beautiful baby. I do like to look and feel healthy, though (which to me is roughly 20-30 lbs heavier than what a typical magazine tells me I should be) and I haven’t since Bean weaned 6 weeks ago. T-Tapp and CC are just helping me keep me looking like ME.

Taking care of a crazy ass fish named Fred who is only a “simple, great first fish” in opposite world. He is a loony mofo. He’s my kind of feesh.

Reading/watching art, craft and travel books/shows at every single opportunity. World and your wonky, curious inhabitants, I love you lots.

Staying informed of rampant injustice. It hurts to do so, and yep I am merely a drop in the bucket but together, baby, we can create a downpour. Signing petitions, writing letters, marching and yelling is what I was born to do. I used to feel pressure to shush, to be less angry, less loud. I don’t acknowledge that pressure anymore.

Re-reading my acoa stuff and joining a virtual support group for it because dammit, you just cannot run away from that shit, no matter how far you go or how many fathers you stop having contact with. 

Actively declining offers of high-paid work that takes place in an office cubicle. I know from experience that it sucks my soul dry and I am now just saying no, no matter what the pay. I will find work elsewhere (elsehow?). I realize this choice is a major luxury even with the discomfort it causes us financially. I am grateful daily.

Going to the park with Bean and talking to strangers even when I don’t feel like it, which I usually don’t. I have met some truly kind and funny people. I love the humbling, unifying moments of parenthood they help me stumble upon. They are gorgeous: the moments and the people.

Enjoying the hell out of the view from my windows.

And finally…oversharing about my life with you all. Ha!

I hope you are doing many good things for yourselves, peeps.

 

Speechless

God/dess bless the people of Pakistan and women in government everywhere. Bhutto was incredibly brave and this fatal sabotage of her efforts leaves me speechless.

The American Islamic Congress, a national civil rights organization based in Washington, D.C., condemned the assassination with an additional appeal to Muslim women.

“Young Muslim women around the world should not let this murder dissuade them from speaking out and claiming their rightful place as equals in society,” a statement said.

Well it sure as hell isn’t going to encourage them. Was she murdered for her politics or her womanhood? I don’t know the answer and even if I did its wrongness wouldn’t be any less shocking.

Choices - real ones this time

Choices are good. I like them. Everyone should have them. I have written about pseudo -choices that are really a forced crossroads where one is stuck picking the thing that sucks the least. That, to me, is just a shitty situation in disguise. Okay, maybe such things do count as choices, but they still rim. Good choices require you to make decisions where clear benefits are present either way, where your options are wiiiiiide open. Sure there are cons depending on what you decide, when are there not consequences in life? The kind of decisions I am talking about are those where the good outweighs the bad, where one can be pretty damn happy either way, it’s just a matter of picking this path or that one. These are the choices that give a woman the opportunity to be true to herself.

Choices I like having even though I have no idea (yet) what to do: 

One child or more? I am likely going to be a one-baby-momma for all sorts of thorny reasons but it will take years to decide once and for all and I am pleased that it is entirely up to me.

Chicago or Philly? Though it is amazing how much of my Chicago-related boo-hooing has lifted since I’ve lately had more time to myself and the crappy real estate market is priddy much making this decision for me at this moment.

Take an enjoyable, paying job that utilizes my degrees once a week and provides much-needed continuity on my resume or use my upcoming me-Wednesdays to go wherever the hell I feel like going and dedicate at least 4 hours each week to writing for rilly rilly real instead of hopping on and off the interweb to spout off like I do in such an unorganized fashion? I’ve allowed myself to be caged by blue-collar sensibilities my entire life, where creative endeavors were an amusing luxury, hobbies to be pursued as time allowed between the scheduling of multiple jobs, not something you actually did. Should I finally break through that mentality now, even in the face of a paid opportunity? Hmmmmmm…

Oh, and more on that second decision up there: why is it that strong and resourceful women who politely and repeatedly ask for help are brushed off until they reach a breaking point where they freak the fuck out and demand it or else? Why must we be driven to extremes, then get slapped with that pervasive bitch/psycho label (societally speaking, nobody is calling me that around here, balls would be nailed to the wall as a trophy) when the fact is if you cage or corner any being on Earth you will incite depression and wrath? Why is asking not enough? It is so very frustrating. A damsel-in-frequent-distress I know has the world laid at her feet every time she so much as tears up over something, while ol’ Bianca could be bleeding and dying alone on the side of a road somewhere but hey, she’s a bitch, she’s nobody’s sweetheart- she’ll figure it out, she always does. I do not believe there is such a thing as a woman being too self-sufficient, but given my experiences over the past 2 years or so, I can see the attraction to tactics such as swooning and feigning helplessness. Not that I’ll ever use them, hell no. I just see now how much easier life can be if nobody expects that you can handle it on your own.

Ahem. Back to choices. I have them, and that is a very, very good thing. Thank you most kindly and reverently, Foremothers!

One to watch

Charity Navigator is has listed the Women’s Learning Partnership as one of their top 10 charities to watch, for all the right reasons (I’d hate to be on one of their shit lists). They have a 4 star rating on CN and their mission is as follows:

Women’s Learning Partnership (WLP) is dedicated to women’s leadership and empowerment. At its essence, WLP is a builder of networks, working with 18 autonomous and independent partner organizations in the Global South, particularly in Muslim-majority societies, to empower women to transform their families, communities, and societies. We strongly believe that women, working in partnership, will learn the skills and implement the strategies needed to secure human rights, contribute to the development of their communities, and ultimately create a more peaceful world. Our primary objectives are to increase the number of women taking on leadership and decision-making roles at family, community, and national levels.

Here is their main site if you want to check out the work they are doing to gain basic civil rights for women in Arab countries. The testimonies are riveting. Makes the media-created mommy wars over here look like pure idiocy (which you already knew, you big ol’ smartypants).

16 DAYS

 

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Did you know that? I didn’t. I am glad I do now. Please be sure to visit the website below and somehow get involved in the campaign for

16 Days of activism against gender violence , Nov 25-Dec 10.

Since 1991, the 16 Days Campaign has helped to raise awareness about gender violence and has highlighted its effects on women globally. Each year, thousands of activists from all over the world utilize the campaign to further their work to end violence against women. The campaign has celebrated victories gained by women’s rights movements, it has challenged policies and practices that allow women to be targeted for acts of violence, it has called for the protection of people who defend women’s human rights and it has demanded accountability from states, including a commitment to recognize and act upon all forms of violence against women as human rights abuses.

A list of orgs in the U.S. taking part in the campaign can be found here starting on page 11 (it’s a .pdf). It doesn’t link directly so you’ll have to do a bit of searching online to find specific info on activities near you. Just going to an event and listening is an important act.

Hey chaos, look who is hosting the activities near me: http://women-churchconvergence.org/home.htm Ever hear of them? I like, I like.

Thanks go to blue milk for making me aware of the campaign via this wrenching but graceful post.

Go Tyra!

I missed the episode because I am not a Tyra watcher, but I love that she made this happen: Tyra Banks devotes a show to education about vaginas.

I love that she got the concept approved by her network and that it was on daytime television. She could have very possibly saved lives with dialogue like this.

It almost makes me want to forgive her for America’s Next Top Model. Almost.

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Update: Huz wants to know where to get one of these pillows. He thinks it would look smashing on the couch. He also wants one to cuddle with at bedtime. Cheeky bastard.

I love this

and meant to link to it ages ago. Hoyden About Town rocks.