Barack Obama powers, activate!

Form of: a president that may actually want to help us become a better nation!

Remarks of Senator Barack Obama
Our Moment Is Now
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
Des Moines, Iowa

Ten months ago, I stood on the steps of the Old State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois, and began an unlikely journey to change America.

I did not run for the presidency to fulfill some long-held ambition or because I believed it was somehow owed to me. I chose to run in this election – at this moment – because of what Dr. King called “the fierce urgency of now.” Because we are at a defining moment in our history. Our nation is at war. Our planet is in peril. Our health care system is broken, our economy is out of balance, our education system fails too many of our children, and our retirement system is in tatters.

At this defining moment, we cannot wait any longer for universal health care. We cannot wait to fix our schools. We cannot wait for good jobs, and living wages, and pensions we can count on. We cannot wait to halt global warming, and we cannot wait to end this war in Iraq.

I chose to run because I believed that the size of these challenges had outgrown the capacity of our broken and divided politics to solve them; because I believed that Americans of every political stripe were hungry for a new kind of politics, a politics that focused not just on how to win but why we should, a politics that focused on those values and ideals that we held in common as Americans; a politics that favored common sense over ideology, straight talk over spin.

Read the rest here

I know, I know, a speech is just a speech, but I’m telling you, peeps, I believe this Obama-osity can become a very good thing.

It’s alright, Ma, it’s life and life only

Please indulge me as I rattle off some rhetorical and likely unoriginal questions:

How is it acceptable to our society that people who stay home with their children during infancy are considered “lucky”? How is it the norm that parents are considered lazy, or quitters, or opt-outs if they decide to do so? Why are they penalized for it in so many ways? Why is it considered a luxury to be with your own baby?

Why do welfare-to-work-ish programs ensure separation of parents and their “at-risk” children? Is that part of their punishment for being poor? Doesn’t this separation make them even more at-risk, far beyond the circumstances that necessitate welfare?

Why is the imagery of the bored and lonely housewife used as such a widespread joke? Is the isolation of such a large number of people really all that amusing? “Lonely housewives” are having a natural response to an unnatural situation. Is their loneliness a joke because they are surrounded by stuff that many other families can’t afford, even though they and their children suffer from the isolation?

Why is an aquaintance of mine called “spoiled” because her mother is going to fly in from Haiti and stay with her for a few months to help her after she gives birth? The word spoiled describes being overindulged to one’s detriment. Having a relative help you become a mother makes you spoiled?

Have you ever met a father who was able to take his 12 weeks of allotted FMLA time to spend with his new baby? How about even 3 or 4 weeks?

Why do we as a society largely accept and even unconsciously promote anti-family attitudes? Are we threatened by our own humanity and need for others?

I’m just asking.

The Battle for America

If you have 4 minutes and 10 seconds to spare, I highly recommend this pod on Current. Let us take its message to heart, and work together toward a government of the people, by the people, for the people.

Lately I have been thinking that having a child, with profound hope for our future as citizens of this country and of this world, is the bravest and must subversive thing I have ever done.

Angry Beaver

This is me:

Forget the Bitch in the House, I am the Vagina Dentata.     

I am angry. I am angry. I am angry.

I am angry that the vast majority of women in our world are abused, systematically oppressed and/or marginalized, instead of valued for their countless strengths and contributions.

I am angry that rape is a commonly used and commonly ignored war tactic against women and children.

I am angry that a man gets the pleasure of a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work, and at the end of it, he is expected to relax while “a woman’s work is never done” or fairly compensated.

I am angry that choosing to have a child means that I become unemployable rather than given alternative work options while I birth and nurture a new life and a new citizen.

I am angry that our society collectively rolls its eyes at its “mommies”, ignores our contributions and strips away our identity as people with trite labels.

I am angry that the only power a woman is allowed to have in the eyes of men, and many women for that matter, is sexual or else it treated as an overt threat and dealt with accordingly.

I am angry that I am afraid to have a daughter because the cultures of the world are so openly hostile to women.

Good thing I had a son, huh? Heh. Now I have to make sure my anger doesn’t make him feel like he needs to apologize simply for being male. I know what it feels like to grow up feeling like you have to apologize for existing, just for taking up space and air. So I started today by taking down my dishtowels that say “Men are like linoleum. Lay them right and you can walk on them for 20 years.” I know, I know, they are so hostile, but funny as hell. Of course Bean can’t read, it’s just a vibe that will cease to be amusing real quick if he ever asks me what it means. I don’t want to teach him that mommy hates men. It’s not true (well, not entirely, anyway) but to a kid, that is how it could seem if I don’t soon parse the words in my personal feminist lexicon.

I will be teaching him to open doors for women, to pull out chairs, and to offer a hand to women exiting cars or carrying packages, and to pay for everything on dates. Of course women can open their own fucking doors and pull out their own chairs and manage and pay for their own shizz, so why will I teach him to do that? Because the women who fought against those pleasantries got it all wrong. It’s not that we can’t do those things, ala the weaker sex (we accomplish magnificent feats of time, energy and money as a matter of course). It is because as a male, he will never fully comprehend the suffering of the women of the world, or even of the women in his life, so those gestures are small ways to show respect and gratitude. It’s not equal pay for equal work, but it’s something.

I am looking forward to watching him become a conscious man. Before you think that I am going to be homeschooling him in women’s studies or intentionally emasculating (what does that word really mean, anyway? I know the definition, but why does that word exist?) him in any way, simmer down. My only goals in raising the Bean are for him to feel loved, to know that he is good, and to treat others well. If I can do all that, I will feel successful. If I can teach him to live in a way that is decent and free, maybe I will stop being so angry.

Naah. I’ll prolly still be pissed off. But I will be happy with him.

The Feminine what?

I have a date tonight so I need to go get my Suicide Girl-esque dress on but I just needed to start this post.

This person is completely missing the point. I have no idea where she found women who have a false sense of security about staying home to raise children. The ones I know, me included, are freaked the fuck out about it. Who still believes in the fairy tale? Even more so, who the hell wants to? Did she use a time machine to interview women living in the 1950s?

Of course leaving the workforce is a terrible financial blow. Of course I am placing an inordinate amount of faith in the hope that Huz will not cheat on me, get fired, get sick, or die. Of course I am losing my painstakingly accrued earning power. I know all of this and I am doing it anyway. The question is why do I have to? Why do I have to give up all that I worked for to be home with my son, at least for the next 2-3 years? I am not the problem; the American workplace is the problem.

And does this author honestly believe that we don’t know these risks already? I know them all too well, but being here with Bean for almost every moment, especially at this time in his life, is worth it to me. And you know what? If Huz cheats on me, gets fired, gets sick, or dies, I will figure something out (after I pick myself up off the carpet). 

Does she think she is providing us with some kind of tough love service with this book? If so, I question why she chose to call it a mistake, which is a highly subjective term. You don’t tell people you are trying to reach that they are making a mistake, and then act all surprised when they shut down on you. Yeah, I realize that she wanted to use a play on words (The Feminine Mystique/Mistake, get it, *eye roll*) The thing is, the title alone does prevent me from buying it (telling me that time invested in my son is a mistake is um, not the way to reach me), and then of course the premise seems to assume that we are ignoramuses.

She is completely missing that we have faith in ourselves to crash through the obstacles she presents, or at least rail like hell against the inequality of them. She underestimates women like me. Her time and talent could have been much better used to do research and write about how our workplaces need to look to the rest of the world for examples in creating more effective job situations for all parents. The onus is on employers, not on us.

So what is being added to the feminist dialogue with this book? We already know that the sacrifices women make to have children and to actually *gasp* spend time with them causes a vortex of suck when it comes to the ability to earn a decent living and look after ourselves in the absence of a primary breadwinner. I maintain that it stands as a testament to our faith in ourselves that we are making those sacrifices anyway. 

Put that in your next book. I know a whole lot of brainy broads, living here in the year 2007, who will make themselves available for interviews.

Blog on, Mommies!

I say in my “About” page that generalizing online writings by women with children by calling them “mommy blogs” is just a way to inadvertently marginalize the female voice and invalidate the alternative avenues we are using to get our voices heard, such as self-publishing on the web. I contend that even the most cutesy of the so-called “mommy blogs” is, at its core, an expression of feminism and humanity and should be respected as such.

Perhaps the reason there has been an explosion of blogs by women with children is the same reason a volcano explodes: a great deal of force caused by something boiling under the surface finds that it can no longer be contained, and launches itself through a narrow outlet (which in this case is free blogging software). By going through the back door of the publishing world via blogging, and subsequently landing book deals in some cases, women with children are showing the ingenuity that is their trademark by expressing themselves wherever they can and however they can. If the mainstream outlets won’t listen to anything but crapola like “mommy wars” and other polarizing drivel, we will find other ways to get our true voices heard. So what if some of the blogs and the oh-so-charmingly-yet-demeaningly called “chick-lit” books are the equivalent of talking over the fence to your neighbor? Is that talk not valid? There is a dearth of that kind of over-the-fence talk anymore, and our society is likely suffering for it.

Clearly, even the most seemingly banal of the so-called mommy blogs represent a powerful public voice to marketers; have you heard about some of the ad revenue they generate? I know, it has more to do with the fact that marketers bank on women being the deciding factor in most purchases, but still; they recognize that this virtual over-the-fence talking is a powerful conduit for knowledge sharing. By blogging for ourselves, for one another, and for whomever can benefit from reading about our lives as we experience and react to them, we are continuing to maintain the underpinnings of our societal fabric, as women always have done.

Calling any blog a ”mommy blog” is like using that insipid “hipster parent” label. I know that our brains seek patterns in order to make sense of the world, and that labels facilitate the creation of those patterns, but when labels suck the verve out of the people, places, and things they are supposed to describe, they should be fundamentally rejected by the labelees. A simple “bite me” should do the trick.

Mamisma, baby

These articles are from a little while back, but I am revisiting them as I get psyched for the Code Pink gathering on the fourth anniversary of the Iraq invasion. That’s right, Baby Bean is going to a war protest with my mom, my sister, and me. Who knew I’d grow up to be such a damn hippie, ha! Seriously, though, for whatever it is worth, we have got to speak out against the tactics used in Iraq. I am all for the liberation of oppressed people from murderous dictators, but I am not for replacing one murderous dictator for another, who just happens to call himself a liberator. Oh, and a “decider”. Wasn’t that one a hoot, in a scary-omg-he-makes-my stomach-hurt-but-not-in-the-good-kind-of-way?

We’ll stay on the far edge of the fray to ensure Bean’s safety, but we will be there. Join us on March 20 here in Chicago.

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Article 1: How ‘mamisma’ can change politics

The beauty of mamisma

Mamisma makes a strong woman appear ultimately non-threatening — a quality we have not seen much in our youth-intoxicated culture.

But the world is changing. In France, never a bastion of powerful women, presidential candidate Segolene Royal, 53, is selling herself as the mother protector of the nation. She’s taking a page from the playbook of great queens and women who behave like them.

After their youthful sexuality fades, mamisma women stand toe to toe with powerful men. They often refer to love and trust as bold alternatives to the hard edges of powers that be.

Read the mamisa article first, then consider this one…
Article 2: Opinion: Out of Touch

In going so far to describe these guys as tough and by avoiding their connections with their children, the opinion piece is out of touch with any kind of reality, past or present.

I don’t know that there was ever a time that real parenting, and nurturing, was considered weak. But somehow, the opinion, by all its omissions, implied just that.

In the rush to portray Tester as a big tough guy the opinion not only fails to mention the organic farming and music teaching it also omits to say he is the father of two children and the grandfather of one, just as the Post omitted the fact that Reid is the grandfather of 16.

I’m willing to bet these men do care about their children and grandchildren, and they strike me as the kind who probably care about other children as well. And that doesn’t make them weak. It makes them strong.

food (ha ha) for thought

“When we trust the makers of baby formula more than we do our own ability to nourish our babies, we lose a chance to claim an aspect of our power as women. Thinking that baby formula is as good as breast milk is believing that thirty years of technology is superior to three million years of nature’s evolution. Countless women have regained trust in their bodies through nursing their children, even if they weren’t sure at first that they could do it. It is an act of female power, and I think of it as feminism in its purest form.”
—– Christine Northrup M.D.

I am not a doctor, but I play one in my mind.

So when my sister asked me the other day if I would “think less of” her if she decided to not breastfeed when she has a baby, it got me thinking. Her only experience with breastfeeding has been to watch the struggle that Baby Bean and I had to make it happen for us (we had complications from a long labor and emergency c-section, my milk didn’t come in properly as a result of all the interventions, we were often separated, then we got thrush, you get the point). First, let me say that for me to think “less” of anyone, for any decisions they make, would be pretty damn rare. I’ve known lot of people who have had some pretty interesting lifestyles and made a lot of choices that I wouldn’t make for myself, but I very rarely thought “less” of anyone for it. The thing is, though, I do have a very strong opinion about at least trying to breastfeed, that would maybe make some people freak out pretty hard, but here it is…

Formula was created as an intervention, as a way to save babies’ lives when things weren’t going well. It was my mother’s generation that got it into their heads that formula was superior to breastmilk, thanks to their well-meaning doctors who were on a whole “wave of the future” kick, as well as a pretty uptight culture that sexualized the female breast to a fault. Based on what we know now about the benefits of breastmilk, and the possibility of detrimental effects of some formulas in some circumstances, I feel that if you aren’t at least willing to try to breastfeed, then you shouldn’t plan to have a baby just yet, because you may not be ready for the commitment it takes to raise another human being (of course this excludes adoptions and other circumstances, don’t get silly on me).

I didn’t choose to breastfeed for me; it was uncomfortable as hell, and at times very painful. The lactation consultants I dealt with were more harmful than helpful. I also faced a lot of weird scrutiny from my family (said sister feels as though I would be like a pedophile if I continued to breastfeed Baby Bean until he is a year old). Like I said though, I don’t do it for me, I do it for Baby Bean.  Deciding that you will not try to breastfeed, for non-medical reasons, is like scheduling a c–section that isn’t medically necessary because you have decided that it is too inconvenient to push. It’s like saying you want to have a baby, but carrying it for 9 months just is just going to be too uncomfortable, so you are going to take the baby out a few months early and grow it in a synthetic womb-like structure that is almost as good as the real thing. That being said, if you do try, and it doesn’t work out despite your best efforts, then of course use formula. It would be just as if you baby could not be birthed naturally due to complications, and an intervention like a c–section was needed. Formula is an intervention to be used when a mother cannot breastfeed, not a first choice for the sake of convenience or discomfort.

Now before you start thinking of me as a lactivist extremist, let me reiterate that I do not think “less” of anyone for choices they make for themselves, whether I agree with them or not. I do certainly realize that breastfeeding is affected by socioeconomics and is not feasible as a long-term option for many women. All I am saying is that every woman, barring medical reasons, should be encouraged to try for as long as she can, whether it is a week, a month, or a year.

I am very fortunate that I had the money for an inexpensive but decent pump that I used while I was separated from Baby Bean. I am fortunate that I had access to literature about breastfeeding to inform my choice to keep trying. I am fortunate I was able to continue to work on breastfeeding with Baby Bean for 10 weeks while I supplemented with formula. I am fortunate that Huz encouraged me when I would cry and want to give up. My sister will be in the same fortunate situation as me, so to say that she will not even try to breastfeed based on reasons such as her physical and emotional discomfort, even though she has access to the same equipment, literature, and support as I did; this is what makes me question her readiness to have a baby at all. The funny thing is, I didn’t even know I had an opinion about it until she asked me.

Postscript: Since I wrote this, she has said that she would try for the first week, because she knows how important the colostrum is. I hadn’t said a word about how I felt, and she doesn’t know about this blog…maybe my opinion burned like a laser beam out of my eye sockets and somehow etched itself on her subconcious! I wonder if I can do this to others. Hmmmm, the possibilities, mwuah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa!

Women who make us cringe? wtf?

Hey, what a nice way to celebrate Women’s History Month, to invite a female journalist to bash other women. Fantastic. As if females don’t get enough grief, let’s ask them to judge one another even more than they already feel compelled to do.

Check it out.

I am not criticizing the writer nearly as much as I am criticizing the assignment and the “news” media who love to see women go at it (mommy wars, anyone?). To the writer, a paid gig is a good thing, but she (or whomever chose the ten) probably could have picked far more loathsome people than the three pop starlets that made it into the cringe-worthy list, esp the one who is currently experiencing a postpartum breakdown in the public eye, made far worse because she is in the public eye (where were her parents? Anyone with half a brain could see it was a postpartum breakdown, made worse by other elements, but still!). Way to kick a person when she’s down. All three are easy targets.

These girls need mentors, or at least to be ignored, not given more attention via public maligning by another woman. The britneys and the lindsays have made the adults in their lives very rich through their cringe-worthy behavior, long before they were adults themselves. Can we expect them to act differently now that they are of age, after they have been rewarded so long for acting like oversexed loons? Nobody rewarded me when I was an oversexed loon, and that was a good thing. Nobody got rich off of it, either, to my knowledge. If anyone needs a public dressing down for cringe-worthy behavior, it is their guardians and/or “handlers”, and even more so, those who take smug delight in watching the trainwrecks of their lives occur on film.

Of course, there is also a feature about ten more women who are uber-fabulous or whathaveyou, because they’ve donated their eyes or kidneys or something so fresh-water wells could be dug all over Africa, all the while smiling serene, marymotherofjesus kinds of smiles. We all know that the media loves to portray women as either saints or sluts, heroines or harpies, and pit them against one another as such. Nice work, msn. Brav-o.

Happy Women’s History Month, people!