el fin

No, not like dorsal, it’s just me pretending to know Spanish.

I noticed that blue milk recommended my retirement plan as a top feminist post of the year over at the smashingly fabulous Hoyden About Town. I am verklempt. Can we nominate her entire blog for the honor? I mean, how much do we love her? Craaaaaazy much, that’s how. She was one of the first on my Bawdy Broads reading list and homegirl lit a such fire under me to express my truth as a woman and a new parent. I will love her forever and ever for that, and for lots o’ other things, too.

This blog has chronicled my much-less-than-graceful transition to motherhood. It and the people I’ve met through it have saved my sanity on many, many occasions. It has got some cringe-worthy stuff; it is not easy to learn to be a parent when you are coming from a place with so little in the way of healthy role models. Looking back on some posts makes me bow my head and cover my eyes, and those were just the ones for which I clicked “publish”. There have been a few more that never made it to through that brave moment, and a few more after that did but were taken down in the middle of the night when I woke panicking thinking “nooooo, that is too raw, too real to publicly share, wtf was I thinking?”. It’s also got some moments I am very proud of.

I feel done here, though. 210 (211 now) posts about my issues are quite enough. I am still a little shocked at how much I simply did not know about becoming a mom and I am slightly worse, but also better in many ways, for the wear. I am also still tired and angry a good bit, but more often than not I am grinning.

As far as what’s next, I leave you with a big fat fabulous question mark. Of course, I am an activist at heart and will remain so. I’ll be continuing to write and I may even take it seriously (every Wednesday). You should see the notebooks I’ve filled with dialogue, always dialogue, based on where I’ve been and who I’ve known. Huz keeps trying to peek. The snippets I’ve read to him here and there alternately crack him up and alarm him, so if nothing else comes of it, at least my nearest and dearest audience is also my best. I will being hanging around with my friends more, too, as I’ve finally resolved the once disparate mom-me and the me-me. Parenting me-then is coming along nicely as well; I’ve got some good strategies in my dress pocket. I do plan to bite my sharp tongue more often (but I make no promises, haaaa!) especially regarding issues of the familial kind. What’s done is done and I have no time or space for such thinking anymore. 

I will certainly continue to read and chime in on the unique, refreshing, and very necessary conversations the Bawdy Broads and their ilk are having via the interweb.  I have grown quite accustomed to living and parenting vicariously all over the world. You all make the air I breathe sweeter. I am facing the general uncertainty ahead of me with enthusiasm and a willingness to say yes to things I never would have before I had this blog, met so many cool people, and yelled aloud about what was rattling around in my brain.

So Happy New Year, peeps! And thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll be seeing you.

xoxoxo,

B.